The first openly gay All Black and the humbling reaction

“I secretly hoped it wouldn’t become a big story, people would shrug their shoulders and say we knew about him, let’s just get on with it. It wasn’t the case.”

Former All Black Campbell Johnstone.

In January Campbell Johnstone opened up by telling the world he was gay. In turn, he was labelled the first openly gay All Black. Johnstone talked with Logan Savory about the reaction since and what he’s now doing to help foster a supportive rugby environment.

There was a period when New Zealand Rugby media manager Jo Malcolm would touch base with Campbell Johnstone sporadically.

Many within the professional rugby fraternity were aware Johnstone was gay. Media scribes knew but respected his privacy.

At the same time though, they also queued up with the hope to land an interview with the All Blacks’ first openly gay player. Hence the requests via Malcolm.

Year after year Johnstone declined the interview interest.

Those that mattered to him knew he was gay. He didn’t have any real appetite to open himself up to any intrusion into his life.

That eventually changed though. It followed discussions with friends.

“A lot of people said to me; ‘you actually know that you can help a lot of people’. I was very naive about that,” Johnstone says.

“I sat down and looked at it, and saw the direction it was going, and thought, ‘Maybe the time is right, and it is time to help people’.

“It was going to be a big intrusion into my life, but we summed it up with the fact that if it helps one person, it’s worth it.”

In January Johnstone sat down with TV personality Hillary Barry and told his story. While many people already knew, Johnstone publicly declared to the world he was gay.

By doing so he was labelled the first openly gay All Black.

The now-retired Johnstone had put together an impressive rugby CV as a prop. It included 72 games for Canterbury, 38 games with the Crusaders, and three All Black caps.

That was before he headed overseas where he played 105 games for French club Biarritz. He prided himself on his scrummaging and the French Top 14 competition felt like an ideal place to test that skillset.

Johnstone’s professional career spanned 12 years from 2002 to 2014.

The 43-year-old is both humbled and surprised by what has unfolded since that decision to speak publicly in January.

“I naively never realised it would blow up to what it did and how fast it spread around the world.

“I thought it would only, at most, go to the New Zealand public and maybe the Australian rugby public.

“That was definitely overtaken, and it went globally around the world. That wasn’t driven by me or my name but more by the actual All Black brand and how powerful that brand is.

“I think that is a compliment to NZR and all the players that play, we have this amazing brand.’”

Johnstone hoped by him telling the world he was gay it might help one person with their own struggles. The reality is the feedback to date points to tens of thousands of people globally benefiting from his decision to open up.

“The stories of support are still coming in now with people sending me messages of how they left sport because they didn’t feel like they fit the norm, or the ideal type in whatever sport they are participating in. Now they are considering picking that sport up again.”

It has prompted some pondering as to if he should have agreed to that interview earlier.

“To your point about coming out earlier, I do think about that and think I could have done it sooner.

“But then, I wasn’t probably in a position myself, my biggest fight was with myself. Even though I had told so many people, and so many people knew. It still sat uneasily with me.

“It’s the old story, you’ve got to help yourself before you can actually help anyone else.”

In reality, Johnstone hoped that him coming out wouldn’t have been a big deal. He hopes in the future it won’t need to be.

“I secretly hoped it wouldn’t become a big story, people would shrug their shoulders and say we knew about him, let’s just get on with it. It wasn’t the case.”

After sitting down with Malcolm, as well as Rob Nichol from the New Zealand Rugby Players’ Association, Johnstone says he wasn’t prepared to do the interview and just shuffle back into the wilderness.

He’s keen to play an ongoing role in helping to foster that discussion around a supportive and inclusive community.

New Zealand Rugby has taken a Pride Pledge which is a visible commitment to safe, inclusive, and welcome environments for the rainbow community.

Johnstone will visit Invercargill on Friday to conduct a rainbow inclusion education session with Rugby Southland. It is the first of the sessions which New Zealand Rugby hopes will be rolled out nation-wide.

He stresses it’s not about “throwing it in people’s faces”. Johnstone adds there doesn’t need to be “a song and dance about diversity”. It is simply a case of getting people thinking about how they might be able to support others.

“It’s not just about sexuality, it’s about inclusion, and being aware of your mates and understanding that people do have things going on. It’s awareness, understanding, and caring.

“If you can show a bit of raw empathy, it can actually help a lot of people and can help teammates.”

“I think in this world we’ve become me, me, me… People do have to look after themselves, but you’ve got to have a look around you and make sure the people around you are okay.”

Johnstone’s personal rugby experience, in terms of the reaction to him being gay, was fine, he says.

“Nobody had an issue; it was mainly me who had an issue.

“For me, in my mind, I built this thing since I was a child of having this ideal image of a sports hero, and that was being an All Black. All of a sudden, my sexuality crept into it.

“I was like, ‘hang on, that doesn’t fit my ideal world’, so I’m going to push that deep down and hope that it won’t derail me.

“Everyone knows if you push things away that’s not actually dealing with it. It’s not good for you because it builds up and you’ve got all this anxiety and it won’t go away. Something has got to give.

“I had two options; one was to stop playing rugby and the second option was to tell someone. There was no way in hell I was going to stop playing rugby, so I had to tell some people.”

“The reality is I built it up in my head that people were going to be worried about it but actually people were more worried that I was still focused [on rugby] and are we going to win the game.”

Johnstone says he was about 14 or 15 when he started to realise he was gay. Mates were commenting how they found this girl pretty, and another girl pretty and he didn’t see that.

His coping strategy was to throw himself more and more into his rugby commitments.

Gradually, as his career progressed, people become aware that was gay.

“A few of them knew in the early days in France, they didn’t really care, they were blasé. I had a wonderful time living in France and playing.”

The conversation with his parents also turned out to be much less stressful than he thought it could have been.

“Dad’s a farmer in Hawke’s Bay, he’s a hard man so there was that thought going through my head.

“[But] I was very lucky; my parents are quite laid back and very loving and caring. When I told them, it was like I told them we’d run out of milk or something.”

“I think we as a country are pretty understanding, and the world is understanding. So, I think things are normalising pretty quickly.”

Director of Pride Pledge Martin King will join Johnstone in Invercargill for the education session with Rugby Southland.

King says Johnstone’s willingness to be involved has helped New Zealand Rugby’s quest to become more inclusive when it came to the rainbow community.

“It’s quite a big turning point in the way rugby is perceived and the way rugby wants to be perceived,” Knight says.

“It’s not just me as an expert coming and talking about this, I’m not a rugby person… I think [Campbell] personalises it and makes it real for people.

“He can talk about the impact on himself, not being able to be himself for all of those years.”

Knight was pleased Southland was on board to kick-off the sessions.

Last year Rugby Southland undertook cultural awareness training for both staff and board members.

Friday’s session will be another extension of that, Rugby Southland general manager Steve Mitchell says.

“When the opportunity came up, we took it. The main thing is just being accepting and to welcome people from all walks of life,” Mitchell says.